QA 4

Wow. More questions. This set is not all from the same person, but all surfaced in my email in the last day.

1. now that you're married - with child - is there anything you wish you had done while you were a bachelor?? (dinesh seems to be the last one in the group, so make sure there are a few things he can add to his list).

I feel like I've gone through all the stages right on time. I met Wifey when I was meant to meet Wifey. If I'd met her any earlier. I wouldn't have been ready to handle it. And now we're on the path that we were meant to be on together. So I can't really say I'd wish I'd done anything too different, because everything prior to marriage somehow got me to where I am now.

Marriage, mortgage, kid, this all ties you down a little. There's more responsibility, but I don't think most of the things I want to do are foreclosed. I'd still like to write a real novel some day. I'd still like to sing the national anthem at a baseball game. These things are still possible. And if not, I make my kids do them and live vicariously through them.

If anything I guess I wish I'd traveled a little more. Not that I can't travel now. But traveling alone is different, less complicated, and seeing a little more of the world would have been nice.

1. Did 9-11 have anything to do with you buying a ring, proposing, getting married and buying a house in such a short (I think it was 6 mos or less) time? Why / why not?

Interesting. I remember flipping on the TV that morning just in time to watch the first tower fall. Absolutely shocking. I had a conference in downtown San Francisco that day, and I did pause before ultimately deciding to go. But the whole day I and everyone I seemed to meet were in a complete daze.

I remember a few days later, sitting with Not-Yet-Wifey just being depressed and wondering if this was a sign of the end of the world. So we did get through that rough time together, but we were already on the way. I can't remember ever consciously thinking that the ring, proposal, house or wedding had anything to do with that. We were just ready. Or at least as close to ready as we were ever going to get. The timeline just seemed to suit us. Once we knew we wanted to get married, everything else just fell into place. There wasn't a reason to take more time.

I have heard the urban legend that more babies than average were born roughly 9 months after 9/11, but I don't know that to be true.

2. Do you like cats or dogs better and why?

Right now, the little one can say recognize and say, "dog", but she can't say "cat". I've been teling Wifey that she's hinting at something.

Actually, my preference is cats. As a person who seems to find his own way of doing things, I tend to appreciate a little more independence in my pets. Dogs are loyal, great, and they'll do tricks great, but cats just seem like much more graceful creatures. But it's not a strong preference. If my kid(s) wanted a dog instead, I could roll with that.

3. What is is like to now be a relative of a friend (i.e. Kev)? Do you find yourself acting differently towards him?

Not really. I think the interests align in either case. You wish the best for your friends and you also wish the best for your brothers-in-law, so I don't think I really act different in either case. In many ways it's actually easier. I mean, I know the guy already. No real surprises. I guess it could be rocky if one of the relationships goes sideways for some reason, but I so no reason not to recommend that kind of set up if you can find it.

And when we do family events or just hang out at the family stuff, we're comfortable talking or just goofing off. A couple weeks ago, I was randomly programming karaoke songs for him to sing. It was quite entertaining.

If anything, I guess it means we're tied together for the rest of our lives. He's an uncle to my kid. I'll be an uncle for his. Not a bad thing.

As parents we like it when either KC or A & W hang out at the same parties with us. It means we can try and pass the kid off for a few minutes and eat together for a change.

Snakes

Yesterday, as I was riding home from work, I came across a three foot snake making its way across the pavement in the park. It wasn't moving real fast, but it looked pretty muscular. I grew up on the East Coast. I grew up with garter snakes, racers, and the remote dangers of coming across copperheads or green snakes. In other words, I knew which ones might actually be dangerous. I looked at this guy and I couldn't identify it. I also had no idea if it was dangerous or not. I have no real idea what snakes are native to the Bay Area. I'll have to look that up sometime.

New digs.

Those trees that surrounded my old building are certainly doomed now. We've vacated and no one is moving in but the bulldozers. I'm sure all those trees would like to take a branch and wipe that big orange X of its trunk, but alas, I just don't think that's going to happen.

The move has gone as well as can be expected. The new office is a little bigger, but has narrow hallways and a vanilla white paint that bores me. I might actually have to attempt some decoration. I'm pretty well set up. I have two new monitors and a new desk and a phone that works and a printer on my shelf. Nice stuff. Now, if I only had my files, I could crank through all the work waiting for me.

QA3

My 350th post. Where's my gold star? Any of you who've actually read all my posts get two.

1. will you be watching the Olympics this summer? Why or why not?

I imagine I'll be a casual watcher. I'll watch some events if they happen to be on, but I won't be glued to the TV. I'll pretend to care when Wifey wants to watch gymnastics, just like she tolerates the NBA.

Things I like about the Olympics.
1. These are the premier athletes competing at the premier sporting event in the world.
2. Exposure for sports you never hear of otherwise, track & field, swimming, archery, things that should be appreciated every four years.
3. Friendly national rivalries.
4. That whiny Olympic gymnast who stole a gold last time won't be around.

Things I don't like about the Olympics.
1. I can't tell who is or who is not on performance enhancing drugs anymore. It's hard to root for people and not be somewhat cynical.
2. Endless commercials with "officially" Olympic sponsors.
3. NBC's endless bio documentaries about what this athlete has had to overcome and the rah rah USA thing.
4. Opening and Closing ceremonies. Mind numbing boring.

2. you come across as very content guy - do you have any worries?
Well, I'm pretty blessed. For the most part, things are pretty good these days, but still I've got the same worries and insecurities as everyone else. I worry mostly about the things I can't control. I worry about the health of those I hold dear, I worry about money, I worry about a future where I can't feed myself and my kid can't afford to go to college. I worry about polar bears with no future. I worry about a country where the rich get richer and the poor get poorer and no one cares. I worry about my relationship with God. It's all there. It's just under the surface.

3. name three things that really, really annoy you - explanation optional.

1. Hypocrisy- Be genuine, always.
2. Intolerance- Be kind, always.
3. The Wiggles

4. the mom from "weeds" or Bedie from "the wire"?

Bedie is a fine woman and I'm happy that she has a happy ending in the Series (at least as far as Season 4), but I must admit to a crush on Nancy Botwin. I've always been a fan of May-Louise Parker, but this is her best role ever. Smart, tough, yet vulnerable. Very endearing. Her kids are monsters. They don't deserve her.


5. I read once - "if you're not a liberal at age 20, you're heartless
- if you're not a conservative at age 40, you're brainless". Agree,
disagree?

I want to say this is from Winston Churchill, but I'm not sure and too lazy to search. I think I'd rewrite this as such, "If you're a conservative you're heartless and brainless."

People can go through all kinds of experiences in their lives. But the generalization that you become more cynical and your IQ goes up over time doesn't hold much water. I'm closer to the second number than tht first, and I don't think I've become less heartless or that I've somehow left my intellect by the curbside.

I'm sad for those that are heartless. I recently finished Obama's book about the Audacity of Hope and he spoke of an "empathy deficit". People so caught in the trappings of their own lives that they are incapable of any concern for anyone else. In large part, this is the problem.

When people look back at the last eight years of conversatism run wild in this country, I think they'll remember it as the time we let ourselves be run by idiots.

Notes from the Weekend

So I've answered all the questions I've gotten. Feel free to send more anytime. I'm always ready to drop some knowledge or make something up.

I wonder what it's got to be like to be a little baby and have Daddy throw all this gear on you. I wonder at what point, she actually understands that she's going to go in that big blue pool. We took Jordan swimming for the first time this weekend. Or more accutately, we put her in a life vest and some floatees and set her adrift in a pool this weekend. And strangely enough, unlikee her new bath tub, she loved it. And she even tried kicking out something that looked like swim strokes. She could stop laughing and smiling, and coughing because she wouldn't shut her mouth like I kept asking her too.

We also took her to Golden Gate park this weekend for a short walk around Stowe Lake.

We also went to a first year birthday party. Weekends are diet killers. During the week, we eat a certain way, but it seems like there are a lot of parties, or places to go with a lot of eating to be done on the weekend. I'm wondering why I haven't really seen nutritionists address this aspect of proper dieting.

QA2

1. Now that you have had a chance to get to know Jordan better, what do you think she will be when she grows up?

Anything she wants to be. Though I''d place odds against pilot or Olympic gymnast at this point. Personality-wise and interest- wise it's hard to tell if she takes more after mommy or daddy.

2. Can you smell Jordan's diaper without crinkling your nose? I usually think my stuff isn't so bad, but I wouldn't want to catch a whiff of anyone else's.

I've not seen every color and every consistency of poo that you can probably imagine. You've got to remember, most of the time it isn't that bad. It isn't always Number 2. And it doesn't really start to stink until there's real food involved. It isn't easy, but I can pass the crinkle test.


3. If you're Yao Ming standing at a urinal or in a stall with a clear view of neighbors, how inclined are you to assure them that you're not looking at them?

If I'm Yao Ming, I've seen everything there is to see. I'm also probably more shy about people getting a look at me than I am of checking someone else. A couple years ago, the Japanese media offered a boatload of cash for a naked picture of Ichiro and he was given a private locker room. If I were a celebrity like Yao, I think I'd be more worried about this than trying to reassure someone else's privacy. Do guys really check each other out in the bathroom? I don't think I've witnessed this kind of behavior.

4. What's the toughest problem you've solved while in the bathroom?

If you mean while sitting on the can, I'm not sure I've ever had any brilliant epiphanies. I tend to try and get my business over with. I have had the thought, that it would be one of the last places I would want to die. I guess I've had the challenge that other people have had, realizing that there isn't any toilet paper handy, but I've never been left completely unaided and distressed.

But funny enough, for some reason, story ideas tend to come to me when I'm brushing my teeth. I've never really understood why. It might because it's just a routine action, that I let my mind go. I'm not sure. But I find myself sometimes jotting down some really interesting notes after brushing my teeth.

5. What type of person would be Dinesh's ideal mate? Bonus points for providing a name.

Actually, the first name that came to mind was Dennis Rodman. I know he's got that strange man crush for some reason. And if he'd swing that way, the two of them might really understand each other. Or maybe if he cloned himself. That's just another kind of man crush.

Thank you for giving the opportunity to provide an opinion that he would never solicit. And yes, if I were to be perfectly honest, I do think I stand a better chance of knowing his idea mate than he does.

A quick summary. He/she would need 1. the patience of a saint to watch him err again and again. 2. the intellect to challenge him 3. the humility to listen to endless stories about him 4. the judgement to know which portions of his story are bull, 5. the courage to tell him they are bull 6. the maturity to accept that despite the graying hairs, he will always be a little boy 7, the leadership to guide him, 8. the vision to see the small kernel of goodness hiding underneath all the layers, 9. the confidence to trust him, 10. the loyalty to earn his trust.

Most importantly, a strong hammer to beat some sense into him. This really is one of these topics that could go on forever. Many of us have heard about his failures with this girl or that girl. We've examined and re-examined. We've tried to extract meaningful lessons to impart to him. But really, I'm not convinced that the ideal mate is something he's that interested in finding.

Q & A Part I

So begins another round of blog questions and answers. It's good to be asked things sometimes. Sometimes we don't examine ourselves enough unless challenged. Here are the first 5 questions.

1. Now that you're an experienced father, what advice will you give Andy and Kev when they become fathers?

A friend on the East Coast just emailed me to tell me that he was expecting his first child in November. My advice to him was to get a Tivo if he ever wanted to watch the end of a television program ever again. It's a necessity in dealing with the countless distractions.

Seeing as Andy and Kev already have TIVOs I would have to come up with something else. I guess I'd say that it's not as hard as it seems, but it is also the most serious commitment you can make to another person. That little guy or girl is going to count on you for everything. You might have to put away everything else in your life that you think is important right now, be it your exercise routine, your fantasy sports league or even your meals. Just be ready for that and recognize it's worthe the sacrafice.

Also I'd tell them, Jordan is probably ready for some little cousins.


2. What mistake did you make in high school that you would go back and correct if you could?

Honestly, it was an awkard age and an awkward time. I could not wait to get out. And one of the reasons I wandered off to a university so far away is that I wanted to get away and leave that all behind.

I don't know if there's much I could have done about the overall awkwardness of the experience. I don't think it would have mattered if I'd gone to a different school, or if I'd studied harder, or I'd studied less.

Maybe I'd had gone out for soccer and seen if I had any talent for that sport.

3. Kev told me an aunt forwarded an e-mail to you that had misinformation about Obama, and said, "I don't know if this is all true." I might have written back with a four- or five-paragraph response showing what was untrue and why. Kev says your whole reply was, "Mostly untrue." Brilliant -- you made a stronger point in two words than I would have in 200. How did you develop your talent for brevity when it's so irresistible to keep talking?

Essentially this was a true/false question and the answer was false. True/false tests must really bother you.

4. Would you rather walk up the stairs of the Empire State Building with a pebble in your shoe or have an eyelash in your eye all day?

Girl I love you som much that sometimes it's such
I'd walk a mile with a stone in my shoe
And that's the price I pay for loving you the way that I do-Billy Bragg

I could deal with a pebble in the shoe even climbing a skyscraper, but I do have an issue with wet socks.

5. What's the purpose of life?

Like Billy Crystal in CitySlickers, everyone needs to find their own answer to this question. But here are some thoughts. Live with no regrets. Live with love. And there's nothing better than a good story.