Typical Diaper Change Monologue

"Was this a stinky one? Did you really do that to your daddy? No. That's good. Poo next time when it's Mommy's turn. Hold still monster. So who do you want to catch your poo this time? Cookie Monster or Ernie? Let's go with Cookie Monster. He's sort of getting a bad rap for not being the healthiest eater, but he's a good guy. So listen, your dad's been at this for a year now. Day in and day out putting you on the table and doing the dirty work. You're a big girl now. You should really consider potty training. I know toilets can look a little scary, but it's not so bad. Really it isn't. And the sooner you get there, the sooner we stop going through this routine. I said, hold still. Then Daddy doesn't have to worry about how to handle the code red poos. It'll be a simple flush. What do you say? Hmmn. I really can't wait until you can talk too."